new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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