i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
