every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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