morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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