we have officially lost it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
