i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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