the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's the barista slut.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize