who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
