OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
