Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
