I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
