conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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