For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
