You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
