They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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