The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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