what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize