this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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