When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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