whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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