Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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