hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
