Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
