I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
