If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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