Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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