FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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