Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
