dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize