My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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