You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need water and some morals
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
