names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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