1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
