Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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