my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
