I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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