I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
