I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
