just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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