I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
