508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
