I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
