Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
