Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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