we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
