I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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