i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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