WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
