i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
