i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize