Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
