Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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