It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
