We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
