She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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