why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
