He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
