WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
