I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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