Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
