You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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