Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
