I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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