I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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