Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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