you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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