thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
