just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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