I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
