I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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