i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
