having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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