sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize