Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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