What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
can u get pink eye on your cock?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
