sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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